It’s always something, isn’t it? ;)

Some of the in-progress pile, currently taunting me and screaming for my attention. The rest are either in the sketchbook or in my head, distracting me. And some are waiting for me to purchase supplies I need… augh!

I seem to take a lot of breaks. Sometimes I’m just not in the mood to work on things (who doesn’t like cuddling on the couch with their spouse, working their way through a Netflix series, or doing something new or random to refresh one’s batteries?). Sometimes I’m working out how I want to even proceed (depending on how I decide to finish a drawing, I have to use different supplies entirely, so all progress is halted until I decide). I also deal regularly with fairly crippling depression and anxiety, so hobbies are something very far from my mind (it doesn’t help, no… I’d rather just get out and hike/walk or not think at all about anything).

Looking back over various social media, I see a lot of halted progress and breaks. Instead of kicking myself for them and not getting things done, I just try to decide whether or not the break has helped. In most cases, it does. If I push through and “just do it,” the results are frustrating. The process is annoying, there is an underlying tension that shows through, and all enjoyment just gets sucked out of something I love making me question why I bother doing it if I wasn’t enjoying it? I mean, this is a hobby. This isn’t a job. And I never want to be in a place like I was, where I end up hating something I loved so much (since childhood) that I think I’ll never do it again.

Now, there is something to be said about that mindset of just pushing on and working on something regardless. Sometimes. I’ve spent a lot of my life working on things. A lot. I produced artwork left and right to the point where I realized quality was going downhill. I also have mentioned I don’t have a lot of space. So if I make something, it’s going to count.Β  I guess I’ve reached an age where I find myself thinking, “You know? This isn’t that important right now. Save it for when I’m in the mood to have fun with it.” It doesn’t help that I’m way too easily distracted — tons of ideas that all scream for attention at the same time… and that’s not mentioning the fact that I have way too many interests/hobbies.

Recently, I tried working on a drawing of Fili. I found myself getting agitated due to other things on my mind. Gouging into the paper. A break helped me get out of whatever annoyed mood I’d been in. Now, I need to transfer the sketch lines to a clean sheet of paper so I can continue, and as mentioned above I’m currently torn as to how to finish it. Ink or pencil? I use different paper for each, so I’m not going near it until I decide (and of course I’m flip-flopping constantly heheh). I’m trying not to work on anything else in my in-progress pile as I’d like to make myself finish it first.

Collecting reference photos and research for another project I’m hoping to work on soon is helpful, though. It needs to be done. So that’s been the focus to keep me feeling like I’m making some sort of progress. And there is another reason I’m feeling distracted again…

I was contacted recently about something very cool that could possibly happen this autumn. I’m not going into detail what it’s about right now — and it’s also not for sure just yet. Keep those fingers crossed for me that I make it through the final decision in late July or August though! Needless to say, I’m very excited and having a hard time forgetting about it and just patiently waiting it out. Gah. This is going to be hard. And of course, I’m nervous I’ll hear something sooner that would mean I didn’t make it to the final part. It would be disappointing, of course, but just being considered… well… I’ll write about that more when the time comes. πŸ˜‰

This morning, I pulled out some of my in-progress drawings and laid them out to take a fun photo. It was a little difficult to find enough drawings though. For some reason I thought I had a lot more in-progress things. Not everything is on a single page to be spread out like that though… some of them are still crammed in the sketchbook and in very early stages of planning. Still, it was good to look through and tell myself it’s not as bad as it seems how far behind I’ve gotten. Hopefully I can keep new projects to a minimum and make the in-progress pile get a little smaller over time.

And then, maybe they’ll be part of the “need to be framed or put away in that new portfolio I still need to buy” pile. πŸ˜‰

Okay, so two of these drawings finally have frames (this was an old photo I thought looked fun), but way too many drawings are unfortunately still sitting in a pile on a shelf waiting to be safely put away.

And just in case anyone is wondering, no… I’m not finished being a costumer. Due to some health issues, I’ve gained a little weight and refuse to start from scratch. I need to get things under control again, so once I can comfortably wear my old costumes I will add that back into the mix. Honestly, thinking too much about it is adding to the frustration and that doesn’t help at all (I’ve always been pretty fit and active, and not being able to do the things I once did has really gotten me down). So if it seems like I’m ignoring my costuming/sewing hobby… yeah, I kind of am for good reasons. First things first, all in good time. Bit by bit.Β  Etc, etc. πŸ™‚

About Cynthia Griffith

I have way too many interests and hobbies, and continually cycle through them — paying attention to some, while others wait for when I can get around to them again.

My main interests are sewing and costuming (I enjoy historical clothing, such as 18th and 19th century, as well as fantasy costumes like elves and hopefully someday even dwarves), as well as getting back to art by drawing fan art of Thorin Oakenshield and Company.

My husband Christopher and I spend a lot of time together, enjoying the outdoors and shared hobbies such as juggling. This blog and website is my way to share what I’m up to with friends and family.

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6 Responses to It’s always something, isn’t it? ;)

  1. CM Stewart says:

    Glad to read you are being considered for something so exciting! πŸ™‚ Whatever the outcome, you will have that validation under your belt.

    My sympathies for the anxiety and depression. I wish I could offer something that might help… life circumstances and internal circumstances are so subjective. The best I can do is share a little of my own journey. Moving, loss of income, surviving an abusive living arrangement, purchasing a house, several major health issues at once… all within a couple of years. At times I feel overwhelmed and lost. Sometimes I feel very angry at events that were beyond my control. I’m still processing all the changes I’ve experienced recently, and I don’t know if or when I’ll fully “accept” some of these changes. But that’s OK. I am an adult, and therefore I get to give myself permission to just be. Period. However flawed or fortunate my life circumstances may seem, only I get to choose when and how I process my circumstances. Nobody but me is qualified to process my life as I am living it.

    Thanks for sharing the news. Best of luck to you!

  2. dee kroner says:

    * smiles knowingly*
    That’s right …..bit by bit ……one day at a time!
    You are in my thoughts and prayers. …….good things are coming!

  3. While I didn’t go to the event on Tuesday night, the Pulitzer Prize winning writer of ALL THE LIGHT WE CANNOT SEE was in town speaking. It took him 10 years to write the novel. I’ve read about him writing the novel and, obviously, it didn’t take him 10 years to physically write the novel. There were breaks to work on other things, time to think, and a lot of just stepping away from it all.

    You’re currently doing the best art you’ve ever done, and I’m sure part of the result comes from you taking more time than you did in the past. If that’s what it takes…nothing wrong with that! πŸ™‚

  4. @CM Stewart Thanks for the reply! And yes, it’s very exciting and a big honor for me even if I don’t make it all the way. I can’t wait to talk about it, but I’m going to wait a little longer at least. πŸ™‚

    I’m so sorry for all the things you’ve experienced. I’ve been pretty lucky, but sadly I think my mind is just wired weird. There are many times I don’t even know why I’m feeling the way I do. I just keep working through those times the way I’ve been taught. It just gets tiring sometimes though. You are right though — we are the only ones who know what we’ve been through or are going through, and we are the ones who know what we need to do. Thanks — Best Wishes to you as well!

    @Dee Kroner Lovely seeing you here! Thanks for the reply! πŸ˜€ I’m sure most are used to me by now and my go, pause, go, stop habits. I’ve had some new traffic lately, and I just made a realization of some of the more common reasons I stopped, and why I shouldn’t feel bad about stopping. Plus, it gave me a chance to mention the Secret Exciting Thing that’s really got me distracted now. Hahah!

    @Christopher What the… did you change your info? I had to approve your comment. *sees “(Is Awesome AND Humble) written by his name* Ahhh, yes… silly guy. πŸ™‚

    There isn’t anything wrong with taking too long, but I admit I feel like I’m getting behind. A lot of notes for something are all in my mind, and if I wait too long, it starts feeling a little less detailed and I’ll be less likely to finish it sadly. :/ So, I really should try to be better. Find that balance, you know?

  5. Mary Salerno says:

    Inch by inch, row by row. I love and support you where you are. All the time. πŸ™‚ You do amazing art and however that happens is good.

  6. @Mary Thank you very much — that means so much to me! πŸ˜€

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